I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
