cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
