is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
