At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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