turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
