i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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