I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
