At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
