Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
