One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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