Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
