Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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