There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Randomize