my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
