i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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