Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
