he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
