You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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