I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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