Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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