You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
