Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
