I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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