You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
