Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
