I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
