He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Randomize
