i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
