I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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