I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
