So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So vagazzling was a success
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
