Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize