just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Do vagina's smell?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
