he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
