just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
