Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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