Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
