is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
