What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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