If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
