what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
