I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
