Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
