If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
dude. I can hear the air.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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