Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize