Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
