Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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