Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize