Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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