There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
