Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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