I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
