sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So vagazzling was a success
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
