we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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