i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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