but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
