This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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