I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
