he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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