I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i barfeds in our rink
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Randomize
