Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
