You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
