Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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