Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
