i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
