Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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