Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
