so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
