Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
