I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
