Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
